Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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