I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
