After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
