your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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