Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
