I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
