I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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