waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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