mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
