I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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