so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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