Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
