I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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