i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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