The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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