I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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