Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
