the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
