i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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