You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize