I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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