what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
