He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
