Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
