dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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