my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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