You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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