he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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