'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
