Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
