If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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