p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize