Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
