How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
