Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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