Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
