Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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