So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize