there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
