Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
