what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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