How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
