I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
