I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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