I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize