"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
