I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I enjoy the company of your penis
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