i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize