8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize