She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
