Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
