We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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