Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
