This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
