Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
