If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
