I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
