You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
