he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
