i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
