hell yes lets make some ravioli
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
