That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
