dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
