You just made me feel so damn special
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize