I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
