I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
