did you get engaged???
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
as a side note pls kill me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
