if i can run in heels then i can drive
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
