I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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