after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
