oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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