The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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