I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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