But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
