I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
