I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
